That happened to me today.
I was talking to a friend this morning and giving advice about how to overcome a situation where two people cannot move forward after a disagreement- it made me feel frustrated thinking about the negative energy that remains after an argument, and how by letting things fester, we are not only making ourselves and the other person feel crap, but the negative energy that festers spreads to other people around us.
And by not forgiving someone, we are wasting time and energy on an emotion that stems from our egos.
After my conversation this morning, I felt uneasiness and guilt for I realised that I had been treating a person in a similar manner, and had let the tension between us fester for several months. Oh I was still annoyed with this person, and believed I was the one in the right, but after stopping to think about the situation and how much time and energy I had wasted being frustrated and annoyed with this person, I realised that I had to let go of the situation. I had to forgive this person, and move on. Clear the air. Nip the bud.
I realised that negative thoughts and emotions contribute to our busyness. How, you ask?
Think about the last disagreement you had with someone- were you able to walk away from that argument and continue on with your life like nothing had happened? You may have made it look that way to the rest of the world, but I bet deep down in your subconscious you were still suffering from the negativity.
Myself, it can take me hours or days to be able to continue on with life as it was before said disagreement. I might be washing the dishes then all of a sudden stop and think “Damn *insert name*, I’m so angry with them for what they did” and then I realise I’ve wasted 10 minutes allowing negative thoughts and emotions to take over me. 10 minutes I could have spent doing something far more productive. And then I find myself working twice as hard to stay on top of everything. I have become busy.
We might call a friend and vent our frustrations, and end up on the phone for over an hour.
We might feel like staying in bed all day feeing sorry for ourselves.
Not only have we exchanged positivity and happiness for negativity and anger, we have given up time: hours, days and sadly, sometimes years.
The time spent allowing something to fester is time that could be spent on more important things. And we let things fester because we are afraid: afraid of what we will learn about ourselves if we confront the other person or situation. Afraid of appearing to be “weak” or admitting we are wrong. Afraid of how we will feel afterwards.
We let our egos get in the way of resolving negative situations.
So this afternoon, I finally had enough of the festering. I wasn’t happy with the situation that had unfolded with this person, and I was certain she felt the same. I imagined the weekend I would have, thinking and analysing and feeling hurt and upset about the situation- wasting time and energy. I imagined she doing the same throughout the course of her weekend. I imagined the ripple effect this would have on those around us.
This afternoon, I made the first step in apologising and moving on, and her acceptance and apology in return made me feel like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. We both agreed that the tension between us was not worth the time and energy we had already wasted on negative thoughts and emotions (and could have continued to waste) and it was not serving anyone.
Now we can both continue on with our weekends, spending time doing the things that make us happy.
More living and less busyness.